Wednesday, August 24, 2011


Sweet hope, such a rare and truly dangerous element.

Only now, with it fresh on my tongue, do I realize it's power, it's addictive quality.  It's the ring of power from "Lord of the Rings".  It's straight up heroine to a hungry real estate agent.  It's all the difference to someone who gave up caring some time ago.
I am a reasonable middle aged woman.  I haven't the time to be too addicted to any one thing.  I definitely prefer a preference to many slightly addictive I have done away with the distraction of hope entirely.  What a nuisance.  Far better to expect the worst and be pleasantly surprised.
And then the advent of this thing intention.  Already bastardized, this normal function of hope and focus immediately became a mass marketing ploy and a multimillion dollar business.  I myself was an avid watcher of the PBS Dr. Wayne Dyer programs of the same subject matter.  No matter that my next employer spent $10,000 on a fancy pants version of this "intention and how to apply it to make a million dollars specific to real estate" program.  Seriously, I don't care.  Mainly because it's all in the wrong context.  I don't believe you can just wish for all the money in the world without doing the work to make all the money in the world and expect results.  If you are doing the work and working intention, I feel that multiplies your power, but if your just wishing and wishing and fantasizing and test driving expensive cars without doing the work, you are kind of masterbating in front of a whole lot of people, you know?
But here I am in the middle of a week night hoping.  Hoping that I've worked and projected intention enough to create a frickin miracle.  Things are afoot, I feel unforeseen things aligning, but, all this time, the trick was to NOT CARE.  Hell, that's how I got pregnant with my last daughter, by giving up.  Now the work involves squishing this desire that I get what I wanted all this time.  Dammit this is hard.  Talking myself out of hope that my work is paying off finally.  But I can't afford to celebrate on what hasn't happened yet.  Must stay diligent. Can't expect anything.
Okay, I've let off some steam.  Back to work.  No time to pat myself on the back.  Maybe a vacation some other time, if I earn it right?  All things in balance.  Now push forward as I have the energy now.  Praise the heavens that I have the energy to deny myself now.  Go forward while I have the gumption.

1 comment:

  1. You say it sister! By the way the whole summing it up as masterbating in front of a whole lot of people... didn't see that one coming, awesome. And true. But kind of a creepy picture... I won't think to hard on that one, ha ha!

    Good things are headed your way, I say keep hope {don't give up that} and continue hard work. You are amazing! You are right though that in some ways when you stop trying so hard and just let things happen as they will, that is when things usually work themselves out... what will happen, will happen, now sigh and drink a glass of red wine {because it's good for you}.